Epic Fail Weekend

I went to my Mom’s Saturday night, not planning to drink at all, feeling very secure in that decision. Just gonna be there to hang out for a couple hours, just got over feeling crappy after second vaccine dose (yay!), memory from last week fresh in my mind where I wasn’t going to drink there but did anyway. I didn’t want a repeat of that.

All was good until she fixed drinks for herself and my sister and said do you want one and I said Yes and then I was 3 drinks in plus another when I got home.

Unsuprisingly felt awful all day Sunday so had another 5 drinks to remedy that. Even though it doesn’t help anything, just a spiral of self destruction.

What the fuck is wrong with me. What else to do but try again in May?

15 thoughts on “Epic Fail Weekend

  1. Nothing is wrong with you, Kelly. I for sure spiraled many many many times before enough was enough. Chin up, shoulders back, and today is a new day! Surrounding you with much light and love.🤗😊

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  2. I could have written this, many many times.
    In fact, I did. I have many books with plans and then what the fuck is wrong with me scribbled over them.

    I wish I could show you the relief and joy I found. I never expected any of it. I truly liked to drink and the idea I was giving that up was just much to depressing and overwhelming for me. Yet I was always so disappointed in myself, sad and a little scared of my own behaviour.

    Trust me. There is freedom to be found. It is scary and odd and feels weird for a while, but then you settle into yourself and realize that there is unending possibility in a sober life and that the alcohol is actually holding you back.

    Keep trying. Try to believe me. I wouldn’t lie to you. I promise.

    Anne

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    1. Thank you that is very comforting. It’s like I know intellectually what I want, I know I have lots of fun without booze, I know I want to find out how good I might feel… and there are many days I don’t care to drink at all, but when I do want to I always find an excuse for it and mostly end up regretful. I have to put more work into creating the new brain pathway!

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  3. As Dwight and Anne said above… absolutely. I’d been there a lot of times. And again after 18 months of sobriety. Determination, commitment, and preparation (for all the offerings of booze my way, and what I would say) were the key to any success I experienced, plus my recent 11 weeks of it… also feeling backed by or accountable to community helped a lot. I put sobriety ahead of everything, goal-wise… because I knew it would help me achieve all my other goals. You’re honest and doing great… much love xoxoxo

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  4. Agree with all the others – promised myself over and over would moderate but never could – would add that family probably a big trigger and a very familiar drinking pattern and place? What does drink help you manage in this situation? I found being with people or in situations where I had always drank hard at first and I avoided them -don’t have to now but I am more selective about my socialising as I find drunk people pretty boring! (I used to think we were the funniest coolest people 🤦‍♀️) – keep blogging, keep going, it is possible! 💕💕

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    1. This is the confusing part for me – I’m more comfortable with my mom and sis than anyone – not drinking to manage them because they’re difficult or anything. Guess it’s just FOMO, and they do throw a little pressure like “whaaaat, you’re not having anything?!!”

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  5. Yep! Just get back up and keep trying!! Nothing wrong with you at all! I did that SO MANY times just to get where I am now. It’s definitely finding your own brain pathway for sure. Maybe make shorter goals and then keep adding on? I found in the beginning when I made long goals I was less inclined to fulfill them, but that’s just me! With my shorter goals I fulfilled them, sometimes I then drank, sometimes I kept going on. However if I drank a night I got back on that horse with my same goal, but a longer duration. Time in between got longer and longer and I love feeling so good each day! Definitely the longer your away from alcohol the better you feel! Much love to you and don’t be too hard on yourself! Xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you – yes I think shorter goals are better for me. I know that over the long run I’m getting better. Sort of like the ups and downs of the stock market, hahahaa. Also I wrote that post after 2 days of heavy drinking so was feeling especially down. More optimistic today, and I am more and more aware that I shouldn’t fall into the trap after 5 days sober of thinking I’m just fine. Need to practice saying NO more and more and more!

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      1. I totally feel ya! It is easier saying no the more ya do it too! I’m a little different here on WP and let myself a yes sometimes. I’m happy and grateful everyone here embraces all of us no matter where we are in the process! ❤️😍❤️

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  6. Nothing wrong with you at all my lovely. I’m listening to Bryony Gordon’s book ‘Glorious Rock Bottom’. Have you read it? I thoroughly recommend it. I find so much comfort and reassurance hearing that others experienced similar to me. Even if not exactly the same, it still helps. Keep going. Keep trying. Xx

    Liked by 3 people

      1. Yep I read loads too. Her book is fascinating though and I realised that so many of my behaviours were (and still are) addictive and came from the same place as the reason I thought about alcohol all the time, and drank pretty much alcohol all the time, and felt so terrible about thinking about it and drinking it … all the bloody time! 🤗❤️

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