The picture above is Easter 2020. Our first holiday not being able to celebrate with family. Still so much anxiety and unknowns about Covid. I feel like I was perpetually hung over, hubs had stocked up on a ton of booze when we thought liquor stores might close down. I surely drank on Easter.
This year it will be 75 and sunny, and we are hosting vaccinated members of both our families. And I will not drink.
This was not an easy decision. I’ve named my inner Alcohol Voice “Booze Bitch”. Booze Bitch REALLY wanted to come to the party on Sunday. We started arguing about it a week ago as soon as I decided to host it.
Booze Bitch: “But it will be so warm and sunny! Your mom and sister will be drinking wine! It’s a holiday! You relax and enjoy hosting parties WAY more with wine! You can just have a little to take the edge off! You can stop early and won’t feel gross!” (This party is basically ALL my triggers rolled into one).
Me: “No. If I start drinking that early I will not stop and eat too much and get a headache. And I have to be up early the next day and it’s my first Mom’s workout Monday evening and I want to feel great. The party is only a few hours long surely I can enjoy it without drinking.”
Also Me: “Well, maybe. I could just have a little bit.”
x100 this argument in my head had been taking up space for days. Previously I would’ve gotten so frustrated with the argument I’d just say fuck it and drink. Or I’d tell myself no until about an hour into the party and decide 5:30 was an ok time to top off my seltzer with just a liiiiiitle wine and then I’d proceed to do that a few more times and again after the kids were in bed.
This time I’m saying NO loud and clear to the Booze Bitch. I am willing to sit with any uncomfortable feelings for this short period of time. I am willing to change my life for the better, even if it’s just starting with this one day.