Another Wasted Day

I suppose the title is a bit dramatic. But every other Sunday my kids are at their Dad’s for the ENTIRE day so I always feel extra guilty if I am not productive partly due to a hangover.

Last night was a night I could have easily said no. Hubs and I were doing taxes (ick) and it was getting late and he opened a beer and eventually I did too with the justification that he’d bought a special kind for me and I could just have a little bit.

And that’s the sucky part – I did have only a little bit! Two 7.5% beers, with food, in bed early, after drinking water.

And still, a slight headache all day. Nothing horrendous, but enough pain to make me regret it.

Otherwise I’ve been doing decent this month, still on track to meet my goal set at the end of Feb.

I’ve been mostly happy to not drink. When I have, it’s very moderate. A couple times at social occasions I don’t regret at all. But there were a couple of those situations I was trying to work on being better about where I reach for the booze purely as a reflex to stress.

Some things that have been going on this month:

-My 90 year old grandma fainting in my arms as my kids and I were leaving her condo. She didn’t entirely pass out but it was quite the ordeal trying to get her off the floor and into bed. Sad and scary, our whole family now trying to assess her ability to live alone.

-TWO friends going through chemo for breast cancer. Two friends with young children, who are close to me, hours spent at the park together, taking care of each other’s kids.

-Some very intense drama with one of my best friends in a potential domestic abuse / drug abuse situation, lots of talks with lawyers about filing for divorce, hours and hours of friend counseling.

-The news that another close “we practically raised our kids together” “almost like family I could call her for anything” friend is moving to a town 1.5 hours away because her husband landed his dream job.

…. in more exciting news, the kids are back in school and after doing lots of research I’m pretty certain my next career move is going to be getting my real estate license. I am grateful for the ability and support from hubs to pursue this. I am grateful for the extra free time I have right now to help my friends who need it. I am grateful for this little community where I can unload all these thoughts and continue to make progress on my relationship with alcohol. xo

11 thoughts on “Another Wasted Day

  1. Wow. That is really a lot of heavy stuff on your plate right now. It’s a hard decision to make when an older relative can no longer live by themselves. I went through it myself with my mom two years ago, and it was tough. Once all was finally settled, though, it was a relief to know that she was safe. And I imagine it is very stressful supporting your friends through such difficult times. I hope all goes well for all of them and for you. Sending hugs! xx

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  2. Knowledge is important.
    I can only say that we I took away the debating of should I shouldn’t I, it’s only a little, I deserve it, everyone else drinks, etc life became easier.

    I lied to myself a long time. The booze did impact me. Even a little booze. Even if I drank less than others. It was hurting me.

    Keep paying attention. Maybe you will find your answers in your heart.

    Ps. I’m glad your kids are back in school! I think most kids need this. Covid has been going on for a while year. There must be a way out.

    Take care
    Anne

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  3. Big hugs SVM. That’s a hell of a lot on your plate right now. I think you’re doing awesome making work for you. I wish I could try and moderate but just know I’d be back having sneaky sips in the kitchen alone again.

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  4. Wow, you have tons on your plate right now! It sounds to me like you are doing well with moderation. For many of us on here it is not a possibility but that doesn’t mean it’s not possible!! Your plans for a future career sound exciting. Be kind to yourself. Some days feel wasted but you need to ‘be’ rather than ‘do’. Xx

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    1. Thank you I really appreciate the continued support even though I feel like sort of an imposter / cheater for still trying to moderate. I will not consider myself “well” at it until I go a real long time without regretting a day of drinking! But at least I am very far away from slipping back into old habits, it’s not even a temptation.

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      1. I don’t believe anyone is an imposter or cheater here. Sobriety and addiction means different things for each of us. I might have managed to stop drinking (for now) but there are still things I do and partake in that could be considered and addiction and a ‘cover up’ for emotions I don’t want to deal with. I think the most important thing is for everyone in this community to feel supported and not judged, whatever the choices they make. 😊😊

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  5. I am sure thinking of you with all you have going on right now! Sounds like your doing well with moderation. I have drank here and there but nothing consistent. I love that it’s not on my mind daily anymore. I’m really happy with my progress and have told myself I’ll just keep improving! I love your new career choice! I’ve thought of doing that as well. Mid April kids may go back to school here! Sending you a big hug!

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  6. Sorry to hear you have so much on our plate these days. I know what its like to feel like to “waste” a day off (although I was never one to stop at two drinks), but having a day to relax is good self-care. I got a kick out of the IPA description as “indoorsy” 🙂

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  7. So sorry to hear you have so much to deal with at the moment, that is a lot of strain on you. Don’t be too hard on yourself, especially when you are dealing with so many challenges. Sending lots of hugs 🤗🤗🤗xx

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