Writing my recap before the month is over because I’ve already promised myself I won’t drink for the rest of the month.
I drank alcohol on 7 days in February. Probably 5 of those days I regret. Thoughts about the month:
- Hubs has abandoned all “abstaining from alcohol” plans. I don’t blame him, we were awful at doing it together and both sick of discussing it. What this means is there was beer in the house most of the month, sometimes he would have one in the evenings by himself while I was reading or watching my show or whatever, and I’ve gotten more ok with that.
- Having beer in the house is a huge trigger for me when the kids are being all crazy and then I feel like I’m an awful un-fun mom for being annoyed so then I want a drink so I am less uptight.
- I am really tired of thinking about drinking. One of the reasons for less frequent posting. I waver back and forth all the time between wanting to be healthier and saying fuck it I’m gonna do what I feel like (drink sometimes). Except “sometimes” felt like too much this month. And I know I feel my best when I’m clear headed and getting shit done during the day.
- There is lots of reason for hope right now with regards to covid and spring coming. But two of my friends (moms with young children) have breast cancer and are going through chemo. It’s an awful dark cloud and a reminder that we never know what will happen. I don’t want to spend this prime time obsessing about my drinking. But I want to be mindful. It’s a fine line.
Goals for March:
- Drink less than in Feb. Keep practicing saying No to my Drinking Voice. I know some will say the only way to shut it up is total abstinence but being that rigid seems to backfire on me. This is what I will try for this month anyway.
- Adding another goal here per jacquelyn’s comment – to write a bit more focusing on my wins and progress, not only berating myself for the things I still want to fix!