Merry Covid Christmas…

What a week. I’ve decided to stop counting days until I reach at least Day 21 because I am just repeating myself.

Last Wednesday was our TYPICAL fail at just over a week. Our neighbor has a hot tub and put up beautiful x-mas lights all over his backyard and nothing sounded better than sitting in there with a drink. We could have sat in there with no drinks, of course, but we were going to the store to buy him some beer as a gift so of COURSE we were going to have some too, right?

We each had about four and the first thing we said the next morning was “that was not worth it”.

Thursday I brought some food to my friend with cancer who was a mess waiting to hear if she could even get her surgery due to unavailability of hospital beds due to covid. It hit hard seeing her in person, made everything awful so real. Afterwards I went to sit at another friend’s fire and bought a couple shots of brandy just to take the edge off, I was so upset I was shaking.

Felt alright on Friday with the intention to abstain again and did so until…

Tuesday my ex informed me there had been a covid exposure at his house. There are 5 adults total in his house and it is complicated but in the end I have no control over it and he’s not exactly the most pleasant person to communicate with. I was very proud of myself for not running to the liquor store, but after the kids were finally in bed (and I was still having to e-mail back and forth with the ex pulling teeth to try and get the details of the exposure) I remembered there was one bottle of sparkling wine in our cupboard so we opened it and shared it.

It felt good for about 10 min, then my eyes started to ache with dryness and my head started to hurt in this one specific place at the base of my neck like it does often when I drink.

Yesterday we found out my ex tested positive. Silver lining is I’m so worried about maintaining my health at this point I have no desire to drink. Our whole family is off to get tests today. Health concerns aside, this situation creates a whole lot of stress about the kids not getting to see their Dad for x-mas, what to do about my step daughter going back to her house (lives with grandparents) and the family I do child care for….

Merry f-ing Covid Christmas!!!!!

12 thoughts on “Merry Covid Christmas…

  1. If there’s one thing I know my darling is…You have to hit a hard bottom before you’re truly ready to quit. I don’t think you’ve hit it yet, but you’ll know it when you do. xxx

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  2. It’s hard to see how much harder life is when it revolves around booze. I knew my ex and I drank too much, but our lives were busy and stressful and we deserved it…

    It was only after we quit that I could see I was always exhausted and booze just made everything a bit fake.

    I don’t believe in hard bottoms. The bottom is where you quit digging. I know if I had waited for something serious I might never have made it to where I am now. Better to quit before visible consequences. The invisible consequences just keep growing.

    Hugs.

    Anne

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    1. “The bottom is where you quit digging”. Very wise advice. I already have visible consequences I think it’s called my FACE, haha. Funny not funny. I wonder what I’d look like if I’d been sober all these years!

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    1. I am sooooo sick of every conversation and decision revolving around covid. Hubs and I were thinking back to when we never used to be able to decide on a place to go even though everything was open and safe!!! How crazy!

      Liked by 1 person

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