Sober Day 3 – X-mas Funk

I have been really trying to stay positive / make the best of this / be grateful for all I have, blah blah. But found myself in a real funk the past couple days. The collective stress of so many around me due to the burdens of the pandemic, the sadness of not being together for the holidays. I think of all the older people (my 89 year old grandma heavily on my mind) not knowing how many x-mases they have left. Then reading the news and realizing how stupid and selfish so many are that helped lead us to this point.

Ugh then I just think shut up already Kelly and figure out a way to help, you have more resources than most people.

I also think “it’s good I’m not drinking, it would only make things worse”. “having some drinks right now would surely improve my mood”. “this is all so fucking depressing what’s the point of your stupid whiny privileged health plan”. “but I know I will feel like shit tomorrow I don’t want to go back to that place”. “people drink and smoke and live until they’re 85 don’t worry so much”. “why does it feel like SO LONG since I’ve had any FUN?!”. “don’t try to convince hubs to drink, that is pathetic, all your internet friends say it’s worth it and don’t you want to feel BETTER?”

Yes, yes, I want to feel better. So I’ve been doing all the feel better things like getting outside (anything above 32F / 0C really is great when the sun is out!), doing my workout videos, connecting with friends, small things to make other people’s days better. And on the nights I feel bad, going into bed early and watching Call The Midwife so I can have a good cry.

I have a list of holiday things to do to get us through the season. Tuesday we went and did a gnome hunt at a local park (someone hid 15 ceramic gnomes along a path and advertised it – brilliant – the kids had so much fun!), yesterday we baked gingerbread muffins and brought some to my grandma. Today is my quiet day with only my bonus toddler so I have time to write, think, get organized, and finish some x-mas shopping and photo gift projects.

Other things on the list: s’mores outside with friends, ice skating, make gingerbread houses, make cookies and surprise deliver them, make ornaments, drive around and look at lights, take kids to drop off toy donations, make cards and write letters, watch x-mas movies. And of course decorating which we haven’t started, and all the wrapping of presents (which we’d do on a kid free night in front of the fire listening to music which immediately makes me want a drink….)

What creative things is everyone else planning to get through the holidays?

5 thoughts on “Sober Day 3 – X-mas Funk

  1. I have no plans. My kids are teenagers. They no longer want plans.
    I am addicted to hallmark Christmas movies. We watch all sports. There will be sleeping in.
    The funk is real. Go to bed when you can.
    Try to just go with it. Yes…the world is screwy. Sober you will manage better. Try to stay in the now.the future will take care of itself!
    Anne

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  2. Like Anne I don’t have any plans and I am really attempting to stay present and not have all these expectations that actually cause me huge anxiety and disappointment. I went to bed early loads of times in early days of sobriety and I did it the other night too when I just felt crap. It helps enormously. I remember that feeling last year … how will I wrap presents without my wine to keep me company? How will I put the tree up without wine to make it special? What about Christmas morning without my bucks fizz? D’you know what? I enjoyed all this events as much, if not more, with a cup of tea or some fake fizz in hand. I don’t actually need it and I really enjoyed what was happening rather than counting up my drinks and the feeling shit the next morning. This is going to be a tough few weeks I. Many ways. We can get through it. Better do it sober and clear than in a fog of booze. Xxx

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  3. Well… I’ve still got to ice that god damn Xmas cake…. 😂😂
    Having a quiet xmas here. Decided on lasagna for xmas lunch as it’s our fave and the count down is on for the chocolate santa.
    Doing a treasure hunt for the kids on the 23rd and weve got to put the tree up. That’s it.
    Oh and we’re trying to watch xmas films and rate them like some sort of film buffs. First one tonight 🙂

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  4. The early days are hard – whenever I thought I was going to cave I just went to bed and I woke up relieved I hadn’t. It’s also hard as normal socially nourishing things are not happening and there is a lot of fear and grim things going on which it’s natural to want to escape. I’m impressed that you’ve got back on it so quickly (I’m still deferring my next attempt at stopping smoking) so be proud of yourself and mostly be kind to yourself – love and hugs! Xx💞💞

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I knew it would be a downward spiral over the holidays if I didn’t set some limits about the drinking now. Isn’t it hard to stop smoking, if it doesn’t give wicked hangovers like alcohol? It’s not that I’m totally against being in an altered state due to a substance, I just don’t want it to make me feel and look like shit!

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