I have been really trying to stay positive / make the best of this / be grateful for all I have, blah blah. But found myself in a real funk the past couple days. The collective stress of so many around me due to the burdens of the pandemic, the sadness of not being together for the holidays. I think of all the older people (my 89 year old grandma heavily on my mind) not knowing how many x-mases they have left. Then reading the news and realizing how stupid and selfish so many are that helped lead us to this point.
Ugh then I just think shut up already Kelly and figure out a way to help, you have more resources than most people.
I also think “it’s good I’m not drinking, it would only make things worse”. “having some drinks right now would surely improve my mood”. “this is all so fucking depressing what’s the point of your stupid whiny privileged health plan”. “but I know I will feel like shit tomorrow I don’t want to go back to that place”. “people drink and smoke and live until they’re 85 don’t worry so much”. “why does it feel like SO LONG since I’ve had any FUN?!”. “don’t try to convince hubs to drink, that is pathetic, all your internet friends say it’s worth it and don’t you want to feel BETTER?”
Yes, yes, I want to feel better. So I’ve been doing all the feel better things like getting outside (anything above 32F / 0C really is great when the sun is out!), doing my workout videos, connecting with friends, small things to make other people’s days better. And on the nights I feel bad, going into bed early and watching Call The Midwife so I can have a good cry.
I have a list of holiday things to do to get us through the season. Tuesday we went and did a gnome hunt at a local park (someone hid 15 ceramic gnomes along a path and advertised it – brilliant – the kids had so much fun!), yesterday we baked gingerbread muffins and brought some to my grandma. Today is my quiet day with only my bonus toddler so I have time to write, think, get organized, and finish some x-mas shopping and photo gift projects.
Other things on the list: s’mores outside with friends, ice skating, make gingerbread houses, make cookies and surprise deliver them, make ornaments, drive around and look at lights, take kids to drop off toy donations, make cards and write letters, watch x-mas movies. And of course decorating which we haven’t started, and all the wrapping of presents (which we’d do on a kid free night in front of the fire listening to music which immediately makes me want a drink….)
What creative things is everyone else planning to get through the holidays?