And, like clockwork, after feeling so confident at the beginning, I drank again after less than two weeks.
I have to note this time felt different though. It didn’t feel like a rubber band about to snap. It was more like hmmm I am feeling pretty content but this night may be more enjoyable with beer and since hubs is only going to buy a little bit (he is so over committing to a PLAN at this point) perhaps I will experiment and have some.
He bought a six pack of strong beers. Plus one tallboy that was reserved for making onion rings. The first one was delicious, the next two disappeared quickly. I hate the feeling of Wanting. More. Now. Wanting to be More. Zoned. Out. Why would I need to be? What am I escaping from? My life is the best it ever has been with the exception of living in a pandemic, of course.
Then when we’d each had our 3, we went right for the tallboy, no question about it. We both realize this is a problem, it is addictive, and acknowledged so with regret in the morning.
With no plan in place we had a couple more standard drinking nights after that. Turns out it takes a lot of energy to stop doing what you are so used to doing. All the nights in between I have no desire to drink at all. What else can I do but take what little I may have learned from this latest attempt and try again? My goal is 100 days.