A Long Week (just want to be sober already…)

Monday I drank two shots of whiskey plus a small beer for no other reason than the kids were being exhausting and the booze was in the house. I drank it after they were in bed and watched an episode of Call The Midwife while hubs worked (felt very guilty about him working late while I was being so hedonistic) and then got all emotional about babies…

Tuesday had a freaking headache. How? That is such a small amount of alcohol. It was hubs birthday and I felt so much pressure to make it good because he deserves it and is always doing special creative things for me. But it was so cold and we couldn’t decide what to do, down to what takeout to get, he just wouldn’t pick something, that I couldn’t wait to start drinking just to make the evening “fun”. And it did end up fun, oddly enough by watching old episodes of Wheel of Fortune with the kids.

But Wednesdays I felt really wretched, anxious, because of the drinking. I was scheduled to go to a friend’s outdoor birthday gathering – 5 close friends around a fire, really lovely – thought about drinking just to make my headache go away, but was both relieved and disappointed when no one brought any alcohol.

Thursday is wonderful because, no hangover = happiness and productivity!

Friday too, so much fun getting ready to have friends over for Halloween, I keep telling myself that this is a short party I’m really looking forward to, there is no reason to drink, I don’t want a headache during the rest of our festivities on Saturday. But there is alcohol, so I drink anyway.

Saturday is still fun, but would have been better without the headache. Repeat drinking activities during Saturday night party.

Sitting here Sunday evening, still with the damn headache despite loads of water and ibuprofen… I am quitting after the election, I swear. Barely want to hit publish on this because it’s so pathetic and repetitive. I hope the next time I post we are celebrating a Biden win. Sunday mornings are the one time of week I really sit and read the news and let it sink in…. we are hopeful, but so nervous at the same time. Not just because this awful man could win again, but because it feels like the country is on edge, like Something Crazy could happen. We shall see….

14 thoughts on “A Long Week (just want to be sober already…)

  1. I could have written this over and over again before I quit. Exactly this.
    I know it is so hard to believe that life without booze is better. But it is honestly like colour tv when you only knew black and white.
    You can do this.
    The election is just politics. Sobriety is a gift for you, to you.
    Hugs
    Anne

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’d hit the love button so many times on this comment. It’s stories like all of yours that make me want to give this sobriety thing a real good try. I know “after the election” is a flimsy excuse…. you are in Canada, right? What is the mood there, do people really care if he is re-elected? I feel like it’s more than me being a liberal (actually in many ways I’m not) or simply the intense dislike of Trump – I feel like he’s putting our country in danger every time he opens up his vile nonsensical mouth.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. People care. I think him winning in 2016 shocked us all.My own view is that I think he will get re elected. I watch a lot of Streaming coverage and I would be scared to live in the us right now. It’s so bizarre.

        I’m in Alberta. We are the most conservative Province…lots of anti maskers and covid deniers. It’s hard to comprehend these people.

        Such a weird year. People can be so mean and unpleasant. It distresses me.

        I never, ever thought I would be a sober person. I liked to drink. I am an engineer! I though my life was over. And I was so wrong. I was just clinging to that familiar pain. The gift of enlightenment that sobriety allows is powerful indeed.

        Just do it. Break free.

        Anne

        Liked by 2 people

    2. WordPress won’t seem to let me reply to your latest comment. But thank you. I appreciate it so much. I will do it, it makes so much sense. Engineer (well, former) here also. But the ideas I always liked the most was the processes of optimization, which can be applied to one’s life as well.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I am really holding my breath until Tuesday night. I am far from confident but also keep having fantasies of Biden winning some key states early on, and us all going to celebrate in the street with our neighbors. Doesn’t hurt it’s supposed to be lovely 60 degrees here in MN all week!!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I echo what the lovely Anne says. I’m only a 100 so days in and it’s like colour has come back. Im so much more thankful for everything and I almost feel like it’s some sort of super power (cringing as typing). I was the same. I’d tell myself I’d quit and then be like a hamster on a wheel all week. Also I’m even worse with binge eating so completely empathise about good intentions and then before you know it. Fingers crossed he isnt re-elected ♡♡

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I am so excited for it. But I always am at the beginning. At least this time I am very prepared for what the cravings / boredom / rationalizing alcohol brain will do to me around Day 10.

      Like

  3. So, when I started my blog I had got way past where you are now. If I had been writing for a few years prior to it you would have read the same and more. You are not pathetic and you are aware. You are on here which I think is amazing. I want back and forth, reasoning with myself, arguing with myself, hating myself but carrying on all the same. You WILL get there. Xxx

    Like

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