Week #&$^*%!

This entry will be more about documenting for the sake of truth, rather than insights or reasons, or future plans….

Somehow we decided last Saturday to amend the PLAN to “only drinking on Saturdays”. Great, great plan. We can have what we want, and still be drinking way less than we were before!

Saturday night: Neighbor over, sitting outside, beers, fun, late night nachos and tv.

Sunday: Headache, regret, yet still very productive doing get out the vote volunteering. Half a strong beer still in the fridge. It’s not going to waste! Then another just because. It was a long day. Is a beer and a half really drinking anyway?

Monday & Tuesday: Health and normalcy, whew.

Wednesday: No kids, did our first zoom workout class together, it was fun! But now we are hungry and reallly bored of food options in the fridge and it is very possibly the last night we could ever sit outside at a restaurant to eat so let’s do that for the first time since MARCH! And let’s order some drinks too without even discussing the fact that we’re breaking ALL the deals and intentions because that is annoying and exhausting and no fun!

Thursday: Slight headache and ickiness. Go to regularly scheduled Mom’s workout in the park, it is fabulous, but some people decided to do happy hour after and I wasn’t going to drink but then was offered a hard kombucha and how could I not try that?! In an excellent mood when I get home and have some more beer with dinner.

Friday: So nice and summer like! This is for sure the last hot day I will get to hang with friends outside and someone is having a party! I bring kombucha with good intentions, but add a little wine to the top. And a little more. And a little gin. Stop drinking early, have tea and go to bed but….

Saturday: Nasty headache and feeling so gross. I hate feeling this way. But it is Saturday and that is the one day we’re “allowed” to drink right, HAHAHAAAA <insert maniacal self destructive laugh> so I have 3 shots of tequila and a little beer and feel much better.

Sunday: Luckily the hangover isn’t too severe, but it is still here as well as the awful feeling that I’m wasting my life and this precious kid free time and last bit of good weather. So I quickly dump all these thoughts on this blog for whatever good it may do, and now I will go outside and exercise and have some quality family time and be so relieved to give up drinking again for this week at least.

8 thoughts on “Week #&$^*%!

  1. Hug
    I remember those days well. Managing between knowing I was drinking too much and really being unable to quit. Wanting a life and being afraid to actually grab for it.

    I truly thought no alcohol mean deprivation and dullness. Addiction has a sneaky voice…it lulls you into believing everyone else is drinking regularly, AND beats you down with guilt and regret.

    At some point I do believe you need to choose this for yourself. It is great if your spouse in in, but not if it is going to derail you. It’s nice to have a partner in crime…but that inner voice is yours alone. I lied to myself so much that eventually I couldn’t trust anyone.

    No booze is not deprivation. It’s like taking off tight shoes. You don’t even realize how uncomfortable you are…but the release is amazing.

    The freedom is there. It opens doors of possibility.

    Hug. It’s so complicated to begin with, but one thing is simple. Just don’t drink. See what comes.

    Anne

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Love the comment “like taking off tight shoes”… that’s exactly it. For me it feels like being able to breathe clean air again.
      Have you read the Claire Pooley book? She describes the first couple of months like a hard obstacle course before you get to the good stuff and that is exactly it…. there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, it’s just an obstacle course to find it. Big hug ♡♡

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  2. What Anne and LSA said was perfect. Still, I really get the idea of wanting to live that lifestyle once in a while. And, it’s especially hard when life doesn’t get great quick enough. But … from my own experience, it just seems that, if we keep feeling like we have to “quit” after deciding to try it, maybe it’s too hard to keep trying to drink just once in a while. I struggle with that, too. Sending support! Hugs! 🤗

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  3. I can only echo what the others have said. Hugs to you. It’s bloody hard work and we feel that it’s a lifetime of deprivation and boredom. All I can tell you is it really really honestly isn’t. I don’t feel like that at all and I was a BIG drinker! Somewhere and at sometime your brain switches from thinking about it all the time to it really taking a back seat and then not really making an appearance in life anymore. I enjoy the life I lead now, it’s different sure, but I don’t want the old life back. As Anne said, it’s so complicated at first but just focus on one thing and one thing only … don’t have a drink. The rest will come eventually. Hugs 💕🤗

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  4. Thank you all so much I really appreciate the support and continued comments even when it’s saying the same things, (as I continue to do the same dumb things!) …. I do feel like I’m getting to the point where I don’t even want it, where it won’t be such a struggle, and I truly believe I won’t miss it much…. just need to take that leap to the other side.

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  5. Is there really such a thing as alcoholic kombucha??

    When I look back on the last decade that I tried (and then didn’t try) to quit drinking, I can see that I was failing up. What looked like no progress was actually kind of a learning experience where I could see what didn’t work. Over and over and over again, and it still didn’t work. I was getting wiser though, reading quit-lit and blogs and journaling about the whole thing. If you’ve made the decision to quit at some point, it stays with you. It will never let you drink in peace again, and that’s a good thing. The universe conspires to keep you healthy. 😀

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