This is how I was feeling two days ago when I wrote the last post about feeling Meh. Drinking Brain was in full toddler tantrum mode – “CAN’T? Don’t tell me I CAN’T have a drink!! Because I can if I WANT to. I’m an adult and in a very gray mood and there is nothing wrong with having a little bit to drink once every two weeks, everything would feel better right now if we did it with some booze, I don’t even want to drink every night so there is obviously no problem here, RIGHT?!”
The above is an abbreviated version of the conversation hubs and I had as we went on a long walk early Wed. evening. A walk that left us feeling so much better, he is the strong one and said yes I really want to drink too, but we’ll feel regret it if we do. I reluctantly agreed.
Then as soon as we got home he said well maybe I should go get some beer. I was so frustrated and sick of having the circular should we / shouldn’t we discussion I said fine just do it already.
I didn’t even finish this half pint (4 units?) of whiskey and still felt gross the next day. And then we drank yesterday night too, because… there is beer in the house and no PLAN to not drink it!
(Tried to insert my pic of almost finished half pint but that’s how bad with technology I am I can’t even figure it out.)
Ugh. ugh. ugh. I want to do this. I really really want to. Looking back to that walk two days ago it was like some strong force had totally taken over my mind. And then the next day (I’m quite disconnected sometimes and don’t do internet on my phone) I read all your lovely comments on my post telling me this is normal and the first few weeks are the hardest…. and knew I needed to start over. AGAIN.