…is to do the same thing over and over and expect different results.
How many times have I woken up and thought “I never want to feel like this again”? How many times have I woken up and spent the first minutes of my day regretful, vowing to myself I will not drink again this day?
So, so many. So many that it’s painful to even add it up, painful to think about the cumulative damage to my body over the years. Painful enough that it makes me want to go into denial, join in the fun again with alcohol the next day, pretend that I am a “normal” drinker.
But the cycle is so obvious, and it’s so clear I need to give up this toxic shit, why would I want to continue for another month?
Because I’m insane? Or just really stupid? Either way, I feel fucking pathetic and am even tired of listening to myself talk (type?). Hoping to get these thoughts out this morning and focus on other things for the day. Because there are so many more important things, people with much much worse problems than a mild dependence on alcohol that I could quit completely now if I wanted. Couldn’t I?