The Definition of Insanity…

…is to do the same thing over and over and expect different results.

How many times have I woken up and thought “I never want to feel like this again”? How many times have I woken up and spent the first minutes of my day regretful, vowing to myself I will not drink again this day?

So, so many. So many that it’s painful to even add it up, painful to think about the cumulative damage to my body over the years. Painful enough that it makes me want to go into denial, join in the fun again with alcohol the next day, pretend that I am a “normal” drinker.

But the cycle is so obvious, and it’s so clear I need to give up this toxic shit, why would I want to continue for another month?

Because I’m insane? Or just really stupid? Either way, I feel fucking pathetic and am even tired of listening to myself talk (type?). Hoping to get these thoughts out this morning and focus on other things for the day. Because there are so many more important things, people with much much worse problems than a mild dependence on alcohol that I could quit completely now if I wanted. Couldn’t I?

5 thoughts on “The Definition of Insanity…

  1. Veg mumma, first and foremost be kind to yourself xx you got this. You have planned a date, you are already doing so much better than most people. Give yourself a break and just think, after that date, when sober days begin you can sigh in relief as hangovers are a thing of the past. Xxx keep on keeping on

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You’re not insane or stupid; the reality is that kicking the alcohol is bloody hard once it’s sunk it’s claws in! Acknowledging and accepting something needs to change is a huge step. Keep going, keeping writing, you can do this 💜

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I agree with the other two comments, you are going to do this. Waking up and berating ourselves in the morning (for me it was around 4am), making empty promises to ourselves then we won’t do it again and then doing it all again is the norm for those of us addicted to booze. It’s what brings such relief when you do give up. That simply stops. Trust me .. it really does just stop and it’s a GREAT feeling!!! You have got this xx


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