Why Did I Drink Last Night?

I’d like to clarify that this next month or so isn’t a free for all binge before I start sobriety. I would have given up alcohol sooner, except hubs is attached to warm weather drinking, so I agreed to start at the end of the summer. Until then, I don’t want to be a drag about drinking because I’m grateful he’s doing this with me at all. (So much respect to people who do this without partner support, I don’t know that I could!)

So last night was kid free night, a weekly perk of having partial custody. Kid free nights are historically “drinking nights”. We decided to go ride bikes and sit in a park to catch up / make life plans (we have discovered pandemic life is much easier if we plan interesting things to do in advance vs. waiting until everyone is bored, whiny, and indecisive).

I was on the fence about drinking so did not suggest it, but also didn’t say no when he suggested we bring beers because that sounded good too, and it’s our norm.

Had one 8% beer and biked home (that cancels it out, right?!)

By the time we got home it was 9:45 and we were hungry so the night ended as usual – huge plate of nachos, more drinks (a large glass of bourbon and half a beer for me), watching a show, going to bed a bit too late. Fun and indulgent, but a recipe for feeling icky the next day.

Now it’s mid afternoon and I still have a headache. Fasted all morning and drank lots of water, now having a green smoothie. Don’t want to drink tonight – too many nights in a row and it compounds the hangover. We are planning to play badminton with the neighbors so maybe that will distract me.

The problem right now is that hubs will likely open a beer, and I will sort of want one, but also want to abstain. But then he will get relaxed and silly (he’s not at all a bad drunk, but even seeing his minor shift in disposition will annoy me) and stink like beer and end up snacking a whole bunch and I will want to drink so I am not annoyed and don’t ruin his fun.

Ugh. I am sooooo looking forward to our start date.

7 thoughts on “Why Did I Drink Last Night?

  1. My husband has been 100% supportive of my giving up the booze but he has continued to drink. It does irritate me when he has a lot but that isn’t too often. It has really changed our relationship though because we have lost one of the things we did and enjoyed as a couple. We often went for a stroll to the local pub and sat in the beer garden and had a couple. Or a Sunday afternoon was a big drinking time … usually completely ruling out any productivity though. Now we don’t have this and we are struggling a bit. I don’t want to do the same stuff anymore, sitting about watching tv night after night. It’s not easy being sober but I don’t regret it at all. X

    Liked by 1 person

      1. We haven’t. We do go for walks that don’t end up in a pub now but it’s tricky. Our holiday with our caravan was a completely new experience for me … we’d usually head for a drink or two in the afternoon and then continue once we got back at tea time. We had to fill those hours … he still sat and drank but I was at a loose end a bit. I do have AF wine and beer because it stops the psychological craving xx

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  2. If it helps I set a start date of 1 September last year and just decided to “enjoy” my last month of drinking. I almost wanted to disgust myself with unfettered drinking. As it happened there were a few hangovers but it was a fond and long overdue goodbye to a friend that had outstayed it’s welcome. Enjoy the summer. Jim x

    Liked by 1 person

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