I decided to start this blog as a way to document the process of my first ever serious try at sobriety. Over the past year I’ve read many other accounts of “gray area” drinkers (as in, not true physically addicted alcoholics, but people who have realized alcohol may be more of a negative than a positive in their lives) – people who have given up the sauce and mostly say how wonderful it is.
My whole adult life I’ve happily identified as a drinker. I love to drink, but more and more I do not like the after effects. I started binge drinking in college where it was accepted and even brag worthy to puke / pass out / do ridiculous things while drunk. I thought this was normal and gave no thought to how it might affect my health.
Continued after college to drink socially, but at that point I was social nearly every night of the week, despite having to get up early for an office job.
Got married at 25 and drank all the time with my first husband. At first it was fun, then lead to frequent drunken massive fights, then just became our regular nightly routine, one of our only ways to “connect”. Had two children, no problem staying sober during pregnancy.
First husband suddenly decided he was done being married when baby #2 was only a few months old. So began a whirlwind few years of me trying to keep it together on my own, figure out work life after being a stay at home mom, date again. During this period there was a lot of trying to regulate my drinking, keeping it to only certain nights per week and so on. I thought as long as I wasn’t drinking every day, or day drinking, generally keeping my life together, there was no problem.
Eventually I met the love of my life and remarried. I was drinking less than before, but the hangovers seemed to get worse and worse. Even just a “normal” night of 3-4 drinks would leave me with a terrible headache and anxiety the entire next day. I began to read more about the sober curious movement and feel that frequent alcohol use didn’t really line up with the healthy life I want to have. New hubs and I would end up drinking 3-4 drinks, 3-4 nights per week, zoning out on the couch, eating chips, staying up too late. It’s a cycle I don’t want to continue.
Luckily he is open to new ideas, and self improvement, so he has agreed to go sober with me starting at the end of the summer. So from now until Labor Day, with a mix of excitement and apprehension, I am documenting my last drinking days!